If I jumped into the ocean to believe
If I climbed a mountain would I have to reach?
Do I even dare to speak?–to dream?–believe?
Give me a voice so strong
I can question what I have seen

Today. Oh, today. Today was an interesting day.

Photog ranted and raved yesterday and signed out. I went to the dating site and removed myself as a favourite on his list. Today, after I log into the dating site to check a third – and sweet – email from the Big Guy, Photog re-added me as a favourite, and sent me an email! Said he hoped my Monday was going well, XO, Photog. What the hell is that about? I ignored it. Totally ignored it. See how grown-up I am? The fact that he knows where I live doesn’t bother me. The fact that he knows where I work does.

Then, less than two minutes after I got the email from the dating site notifying me about Photog’s email, I got an email from…. you guessed! Hockey!

So, he apologized, I said I was mad, he apologized, I said I shouldn’t listen, he said I would, basically, because I was a good person… Of course I did. Even T. knew it… The boy makes me nuts, but I’ll keep running back to him whenever he calls, because chemistry sucks. I wonder if she really has moved out. I wonder if he’s only out to get laid (c’mon, he knows I’m pretty much a sure thing). I wonder if he’s just pulling my strings to watch me dance.

But he did meet me in a parking lot today (I was very late for work) and we talked for a minute, he apologized face to face. I hugged him – he felt good. We moved to his truck and had a nice kiss or two  (and that really is IT, Chicago! lol). It’s still there, whatever it is. He’s still cute, and funny, and cute, and kisses well, and cute… He seemed a bit nervous tonight, not himself in person, and I don’t know if that’s because I was a bit more forward, if it was because I clearly expected an apology, if it was because he simply knew he was on shaky ground… I don’t know. It was a bit odd. But I’m trying to maintain a semblance of control this time. T. would think that’s hilarious, because with this type of situation, there is no control. It simply is. Like a power that affects your life. A whirlwind.

I texted him, asked if it was still a yes. He replied “yes yes yes”. Awesome. He did say via text, though, that he thinks we owe it to each other to make love soon (his words, not mine). I told him that I didn’t think I owed him a damn thing, and that I was pretty cautious about the whole situation. He replied that HE owed ME, at least, and that he understood my caution.

So, either I’m about to get my heart trampled on for the third and last time, or this is the start of something good. I don’t know. I do know I’m hungry (can’t be helped) and tired (can be helped), so that’s it for me. Coworker was out at Hell today, and it lived up to its name. Haven’t had a Monday like that in a long, long time. AWFUL. Bedtime.