Hey, it’s a legitimate song title! Pearl Jam, baby!

Okay, tonight is a thoughtful discussion of human nature… for a few reasons. One, I saw Dark Knight tonight with Johnny. I’m not into Batman. I’m not into comic book movies. But this movie was amazing. I would definitely pay the eleven dollars to go see it again, and I just might. The movie boils down to good vs. evil, of course, as every comic book movie does. We’ve all got positive and negative in our natures, and what we do with that makes us the people that we are. Some of us are better than others. Some of us like chaos for the sake of it (Donny), some of us like to sit back and wait, some of us want to be the heroes… (on a side note, some ass stole my parking spot tonight. seriously? i have the worst parking spot ever!)  The Dark Knight movie really plays up madness, anarchy, and the struggle for good, bad, and ego. Go see it. NOW.

Two, Candy Mountain has been a hotbed of gossip and rumours. There are six staff. SIX. The place has been insane lately! Because I’m mature, intelligent, and not under 25, I’ve become the confidante of both assistant managers. One assistant manager did something that I had a problem with. It involved the business. She didn’t need to tell me – she should not have told me. She put me in a position where I had to tell the other assistant manager. Which I did. And she told the owner. Who told the first assistant manager that she knew. So now the first assistant manager knows that I told on her. God, got all that straight? And it sounds so petty. But T. taught me that if you feel the business is in jeopardy, you have an obligation to step in and do something about it, whether it’s the popular choice, or not. I don’t know how the situation is going to go down, but this is again about human nature. I don’t mind being your friend and your confidante, but you have an obligation to keep me out of stuff that’s not my business, and not give me information that I feel I must use against you.

Third, Hockey. Remember him? Let me see if I can … Yes, I can. Okay, I had a Hockey folder that I started the other day when I got his first email… for the third time. I deleted the folder this morning, because I knew then. What was it he said to me this time? This is from yesterday afternoon:

“What I mean is I’m not going to tell you I’m going to stay because that doesn’t mean much. I do, however, have the opportunity to show you.”

And as Pretty would say, then I laughed… I sent him a text last night and got no answer. I sent him a lighthearted, easy email this afternoon (literally, “It’s busy today! I wish it was five! How’s your day?”) and got no response. Unless he’s dead… I’m now trying to figure out his nature. Does he just need a random ego boost every two weeks? Does he like playing with my emotions? Or is he truly confused (I was about to add, “as a newly separated person might be”, but it occured to me I have absolutely no way to verify that he’s separated or that anything else he said is true). So explain his nature? What possesses a person to be that way – to lie, to create a false sense of familiarity… He’s not the person I thought he was. The polish has worn off, and I’m actually sad. But my Boy is out there, somewhere. I just need to find him, and I know it’s really gonna happen when I least expect it.

And lastly (but certainly not least), I heard from Mud today. He gloated a bit about the grass/greener etc. but I told him I was generally enjoying being single. I know he was working through lunch down there, which means the place was basically empty… He probably felt it safe to email me if there wasn’t anyone around. And probably why he felt it was okay to go out with me last time I was down there… No one knew but T. and The Boy. It’s like I’m a bit of a guilty secret. Okay, I don’t know if it’s “guilty” secret, but it’s definitely not something that he wants to share or even discuss casually with others. So what does that say about his nature? And his relationship with his ”not traditionally pretty” girlfriend? I know, T., I’m reading too much into it. But it’s my blog and my inner monologue. lol.

I just… I’m learning a lot. This summer is going to be about lessons, I know it. I’m learning about how I react to people, and how people take me and my reactions to them. And how sometimes I’m too quiet, and sometimes I’m too loud. I think human nature is ever-evolving. If it was static, how boring we’d all be…