Mayberry

I miss Mayberry
Sittin’ on the porch
drinkin’ ice cold cherry coke
Watchin’ the world go by…

I do miss Mayberry. I’m really one of those down-home people at heart. You know, the last few weeks, I feel like I’m turning back into myself. I don’t really know how else to describe it. I feel more like myself, I am more pleased with who I am and how I am than I have been for a few years. I’m growing up, I guess, or maturing, or something.

Tonight’s Hallowe’en, and it’s 10p.m. and I’m home. It wasn’t until The Guy and I closed the tills and shut down CM tonight that I realized how freakin’ tired I am. I’m so glad that AM2 decided that she didn’t need me to work for her tomorrow. I am helping her with de-wallpapering and painting on Sunday, but that’s just… well, that’s what friends do. Tomorrow, I intend to sleep in… a lot. Like, extreme, copious amounts. I need to go downtown at some point to pick up millipede dirt (don’t ask – it’s for AM2) and the tickets to the Steel city Safari for Sis and the nephews. Other than that, I’m free.

I had a few minutes this afternoon to surf the web while eating my roti, and I stumbled across this article on the BBC site. Take a look at the pictures; they’re all stunning. They all look retouched, fake, like digital images… But they’re not. My personal favourite is the snake / frog combination. It seems like photography contests are the order of the day, as there are several featured on the site right now.

Holy crap. I meant to write an insightful blog, but I’ve got nuthin’. I’m texting with Grammar, FB emailing with The Guy (who, I think, was angling for an invitation to watch a scary movie with me), and trying to read BBC and check eBay for Lagostina cookware for Mom. I’m realizing how lucky I was to get mine at such an amazing price, because I haven’t seen anything that cheap in the few weeks I’ve been looking. I thought it would make a good Christmas present. … if I could find it.

Into the Great Wide Open

I wonder if I’m duplicating song titles yet. Oh well.

If you’re interested, my views are slowly dropping back to normal. Yesterday, I had twenty-nine views, which is still more than usual, but less than my all-time high of 134. Someone has found my site using “Jacked Up Sluts”. That makes me laugh, because I don’t think there’s ever been a point that I’ve written “Jacked Up Sluts”, though now I’m tempted to write “Jacked Up Sluts” all the time, since people are searching for “Jacked Up Sluts”.

jackedupslutsjackedupslutsjackedupslutsjackedupsluts

Anyway. I didn’t have to work at CM tonight, but I took my pumpkin over at lunch. I almost got talked into working tonight, but managed to save myself. Then I felt guilty and called back to see if they really needed me, and they didn’t, so I felt somewhat less guilty, and then felt guilty about feeling less guilty. I swear to the Lord above, women can make themselves feel guilty about the fact that the sun rises in the morning.

K. (aka McFoot) was in the office today. I cleverly (oh I’m so clever) managed to talk to him for a few minutes. His head shape is vaguely reminiscent of a peanut, but that’s okay. He’s still really cute. The coworker (old, not new) had to bring up The Ex, though. WTF?! Can’t you see what I’m trying to do here! I know, I know, I said I wouldn’t try to work that angle, but K.’s so handsome with that slow smile and that nice new haircut, and I just…forget that I’m not supposed to be interested because he’s just being nice. *sigh*

I carved my second pumpkin for The Ex tonight. It took far less time than the first one. I should have done them in reverse order.

Vive la citrouille!

Oh, and Sis called today while I was at work. She started in something about her ex, and child support payments and so on, and then asked if she could put $400 on my Mastercard because they’d shut off her hydro. As I was saying, “You’ll pay me back, right?” I was reaching around to get my wallet to give her the number. It’s only money, and it isn’t really relevant, and the boys need hydro. My sister needs hydro for her children. Period. The hows and whys aren’t really relevant. Yep, Scrooge opened her pocketbook. *sigh*

As for my regular Grammar update, I’m presently making the case for people having tails. If people had tails, you see, you’d never have to doubt where you stood with someone. If they liked you, their tail would wag. You’re nervous or scared, your tail stands straight up. You’re scared, your tail tucks between your legs. Although around T., there would be a constant breeze of wagging tails. *sigh*

Your Mama Don’t Dance

Ah, the joys of pumpkin carving!

I worked. And then I worked some more. And while I was at Hell, Woodstock was kind enough to inform me that I completely screwed up how stupid I am compared to The Ex. I said he was 11% less stupid than I was, and that I was 51% stupid. Uh… She pointed out that 40% is not divisible by three, thus the theory is incorrect. Damn it. I am even stupider than I thought. The two of us laughed at the fact that I can’t subtract 39% (which is divisible by three) from 51%. Moronic. She had a formula and everything! And I just spoiled it by pointing out that I was the idiot who couldn’t subtract.

So in the next month, I’m helping AM2 paint, I am going to the OOAKS with Woodstock, going to the TSO with Creep, going up north, and generally doing all the stuff I normally do. I’m going to look into tickets to the Nutcracker, too. I’ve never seen it, and someone like the Brazilian Ballet is in town this year.

Anyway, this entry is short because I carved one of my pumpkins, and it’s now ten to midnight. I’m tired as hell, and my neck has a kink, and I screwed it up in a few places, but one pumpkin is done! It doesn’t look half-bad, so I guess it’ll do for Candy Mountain. I’m going to carve the other one tomorrow night for The Ex. He said he’d put one on his porch, and I just couldn’t resist a second pumpkin ($5 for two!). He said something “evil” was what he preferred. Given that he’s a die-hard Leafs fan, I’m going to do my damndest to carve a Habs symbol into the pumpkin. Wish me luck!

Garden of Eden

I read it on a wall
It went straight to my head
It said “Dance to the tension
of a world on edge”
….
Most organized religions make
A mockery of humanity
Our governments are dangerous
And out of control
The garden of Eden is just
another graveyard
Said if they had someone to buy it
Said I’m sure they’d sell my soul

A mockery of humanity. Makes me smile. It’s a terrible, sad message that Axl is selling, but at the moment, the concept of mockery reminds me of Grammar and the fact that he accused me of mocking him yesterday. Well, yeah. That’s what I do. That’s how I get by.

I’m hooked on the Deric Ruttan CD. I love all the songs. When I’m here, sitting here for any length of time, I’m playing it over and over. He’s got such a soothing, soft voice. Not that he doesn’t rock his powerful songs, but his ballads are so sweet, so relaxing. It’s excellent wind-down music. “Maggie (Cabin Door)” is far too short – it’s like a lullabye. I want Deric to come stand in my bedroom door and sing it to me as I fall asleep, the way my mom used to sing lullabies to us. Of course, we got “Speed, Bonnie Boat”, but I could settle for Deric in my bedroom, singing to me. lol. He’s like the guy that you’d love to watch in your favourite corner bar, because you want to keep him to yourself. He opened for Doc Walker at the Danforth Music Hall, and he was simply fantastic. I’ll have to keep an eye out for his next tour dates.

So The Ex sent me this email yesterday and I had to laugh. For the record, I’m 51% stupid, which is 11% “more stupid” than he was. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I expect the difference relates to my distaste for wearing pants. 

Simply put an ‘X’ in all the situations that have happened to you and copy and pass it to your friends so they can do it too! Tally up your number of x’s. MULTIPLY THAT NUMBER BY 3 TO GET YOUR PERCENTAGE.

1. [] I have walked into a glass/screen door.
2. []i have tripped on my shoelace and fallen.
3. [] I have choked on my own spit and thought I were gonna die.
4. [] I’ve seen the Matrix a bunch of times and still don’t get it.
5. [] I type only with my pointer fingers.
6. [x]I have ‘accidentally’ caught something on fire.
7. [] I’ve told a cop to bug off
8. [] i have attempted to sip out of a straw and accidentally went into my nose,rather than my mouth.
9. [x] I have thought of something funny, and laughed out loud and people looked at me weird.
10. [x] I’ve caught myself drooling
11. [] I’ve ‘accidentally’ caused an explosion.
12. [] If someone says the word ‘duty’, I can’t help but laugh.
13. [] I’ve been into a ‘Do Not Enter’ room.
14. [x] Sometimes I just…stop thinking & zone out.
15. [] It is POSSIBLE to lick your elbow.
16 [] I just tried to lick my elbow.
17. [x] People often shake their heads and walk away from me.
18. [x] People often tell me to use my ‘inside voice’   
19. [] Gum has fallen out of my mouth while talking.  
20. [x] I use my fingers to do simple math.  all the time.
21. [x] I’ve jumped off a moving vehicle
22. [x] I’ve eaten a bug
23. [x] I’m taking this test when I should be doing something more important.
24. [] I repost chain letters because I’m scared of what they threaten will happen if I don’t.
25. [x] I’ve removed my pants when I was with friends.
26. [x] I’ve ran around naked when I was with friends.
27. [x] I’ve searched all over the place for something, and then realized it was in my hand the whole time.
28. [x] I ‘accidentally break’ a lot of things.
29. [] My friends know not to use big words on me.
30. [] I put my head to the side when I’m confused.  
31. [] Sometimes I start telling a story and suddenly forget what I’m talking about.
32. [x] I’ve fallen out of my chair before.
33. [X] When I’m laying in bed, I sometimes stare at the ceiling and try to find pictures and words in the texture.

Tonight, I tried on the Tinkerbell costume that one of the girls from CM loaned me. I can’t possibly wear that thing in public. Granted, I wasn’t wearing a bra, but my nipples and my navel showed. I’m sure the costume would look really cute on someone who was thirty pounds lighter. I just ended up looking like Tonk, Tink’s fat older sister. I think I’m going to stick with my original idea. I’ve got Dad’s coveralls and I’m going to borrow a hat and a kerchief and go as a train engineer. Eminently G-rated!

History Repeating

Okay, how freakin’ cool is this? I finish work at Candy  Mountain. It’s quarter after nine, I’ve worked with the twit all night. I’m tired, I’m frustrated, and I want to go home. Mom & Dad are at Grandma’s, so I have to stop there on my way home to pick up my gift from VA and the gifts for Creep and the g/f. So I get there, say hi, and Dad gives me a big hug. That was nice.

Mom pulls out these two small necklaces, and gives me the pick of the two. I think they’re small, rounded shells. Then someone had pressed bits of greenery into them and shellacked them, so each one is unique. The ones Mom bought had bits of pink flowers in them, and the tip of an oak leaf. You can actually see the veins in the oak leaf. After a bit of deliberation, and thinking about Sis, who was going to get the second one, I chose the leaf. I don’t wear a great deal of pink, though I really liked the flowers, I thought the green would be more my style. And Mom was relieved; she said that’s the one she’d originally picked for me, anyway.

Then Dad says, “c’mere, look at this.” There’s a briefcase on Grandma’s dining room table. I’d thought it was hers. No, no. It was my great-grandfather’s. He owned a store in upstate New York. He had collected a whole whack of coins and paper money. There were German and French notes from the 1940s. There was a Confederate two-dollar bill that was hand-numbered! There are Morgan dollars (these are named after the designer). There’s some sort of Japanese paper money. German coins from the 1930s, sans swastikas. One coin that had a swastika scratched into the back, which had then been scratched out. Tons of silver coins. White pennies (yes, white pennies!), lots of coins I’d never seen before. Dad’s going to put all the coins into little cases and then maybe get them appraised, along with the bills. I can’t get over the fact that I held, in my hand, a Confederate two-dollar bill tonight! I just finished The Book of Negroes, which is about the slave period and Confederacy. And here is this bill. It’s amazing, just amazing!

Dad also brought back four more photo albums. I thought he’d gotten them all from Grandpa years ago, but apparently that wasn’t the case. So there are more albums, too! But those got left in the car. Anyway, I’d intended to stay for ten minutes, and over an hour later, I finally left. Now it’s past eleven, and I’m going to be so tired tomorrow…

Grammar sent me this text on my way home that made me laugh out loud. It stated, “I just made u open ur phone for nothing. Its great having ur ass in check. Whos my bitch? Now close ur phone. Im done with u now“. Perhaps I’m the only one (um, besides T.) who finds that utterly hilarious. He’s currently telling me he’s tired of me ignoring him. Boys are so demanding.

Woodstock told me today that she read my entire blog. That’s some hundred and forty-odd entries. Since… Thursday? I’m impressed! Hell, I wouldn’t want to read all my rambling in five short days, especially given that she probably read most of it at work. I’m touched that she did it. I guess I should say that more often about people. I’m touched that people read my blog, even if it’s only once a week or once a month. It’s gratifying, in a voyeuristic way, to think that someone is reading this tripe.

Learnin’ A Lot About Love

I talked to T. today. I put in writing some thoughts I’ve been having lately. I’m regressing. Not in an evolutionary manner, don’t worry. I’m not growing hair where I shouldn’t be and my forehead and jaw aren’t getting bigger. But I’m regressing into things that I used to like to do, ten years ago. Things I did when I didn’t have anyone else to please (other than my parents) and I was still developing as a person. As an adult. Jesus, ten years ago I was only nineteen, going on twenty. I knew nothing!

I eat the types of meals I like. I’ve picked up old hobbies and habits. I do things the way I want, and I’m relying less on The Ex and more on myself. I even told him today that no, thank you, I didn’t want to go to his place to do laundry, that I thought we’d seen enough of each other lately. He said “ouch”, I said “ahh”.

I think in my next relationship, I’m going to compromise less of who I am. Is that a positive step for me? As a Pisces, I definitely have two distinct parts to my personality – the good fish and the bad fish. But I’ll have to find someone who will love both halves, who won’t make me feel like I have to smother parts of myself just for the sake of getting along. Not that The Ex ever did that knowingly. I’m as much to blame as he is.

I’ve been thinking about starting to write again. Yes, I write here almost every day, and it’s excellent for me. It’s a good outlet, a good chance to reflect on my day. Everyone should take the time to keep a journal. It’s extremely liberating. But I want to get back to the dog story I was writing. I wrote several chapters that all basically stood on their own, and I have an idea for another, but I have to go back and review the characters, their names, habits, personalities. It’s mostly about the dog, of course. This one is publishable. I just have to finish it.

And that’s a perfect lead in to NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month. I’ve tried it a few times and failed abysmally. Then again I did write that erotica novel in about … oh … nine weeks. It’s possible to write a book in that short span of time, but I’m still aiming just to write every day. Some of these blog entries might have to move aside for some fiction writing. At least until I work the dog out of my noggin.

All right, I accomplished squat today except doing up my budget until the end of the year. Oh, and I gathered all my points cards (gas, HBC, Airmiles) and filled out a spreadsheet with how many points I have with each, what programs are interchangeable, and what I can get right now. Unsurprisingly, I have small sums with pretty much everyone. With gas, especially, I should start focusing on one supplier, because free gas cards aren’t anything to sneeze at, even if the price has dropped below a dollar a litre… (and yes, trust me, I realize how completely geeky that spreadsheet sounds..)

Black Water

Just finished watching The Happening with Mark Wahlberg. I like M. Night Whatshisface movies. I put The Exorcism of Emily Rose into the DVD player. I watched the previews. And just as the movie was starting, I jumped out of my chair and stopped it. What was I thinking? I can’t watch a horror movie by myself in my apartment at night. It’s dark at night, you know.

I worked at Candy Mountain today. It was a decent day – I like the 9 – 2 shift. It seems so short. Just when you think, “God, I can’t possibly spend another hour here”, you get to leave. AM2 and I had lunch afterwards, which was nice. We still talked about work a bit, but it was a nice wind-down for me and a good break for her before she went back and finished out the day. I’m glad we’re friends. We have very little in common, but she’s a good listener. She’s intelligent, fair-minded, and has enough of an attitude not to be a creampuff.

Mom called from Virginia tonight. She just needed to talk. I know that she feels at home with Grandma and Grandpa, but sometimes, you need that voice from home. She asked if I’d talked to Sis, which I really haven’t. She said that she’d had too much time with family, and she needed a break, and she wished they’d taken extra time down there. I can imagine; when I go north, I get squirrelly being with people for two or three days, let alone living in someone else’s house in a different country, nine hours from home, for a week. She said that they’d seen Auntie and her family and that they were doing well. I didn’t realize Auntie wasn’t working at all. She stays home all day. That’s fine, since they can afford it, but at the same time, get your ass out and do something. Volunteer, get a part-time job, whatever. Do something. It’s not good to sit at home and let your life revolve around someone else’s.

(hah, that’s almost kinda funny coming from me.)

So I’ve been self-amusing for the past week. [Definition: amusing myself at my own expense for the sheer enjoyment of it]. Last week, when I was out with Pretty, we went into a drug store and I asked the lady behind the counter where Tim McGraw’s cologne was hiding. She started telling me the price. I told her no, no, I didn’t want to buy it, I just wanted to smell it. I’m kinda addicted to it. So she sprayed some on a card for me. I’ve been carrying it around in the pocket of my new leather jacket. Every now and then I take it out and sniff it, and my body twitches and shudders as the pheremones all stand up and say, “FIND HIM!” It’s sort of like I’m carrying around Cinderella’s glass slipper (the cologne sample) waiting to find Cinderella (the man on whom the cologne will smell fantastic). No luck yet.

What’s This Life For

Today I’m still up over 100 views. It’s a tad bit… disturbing. Actually, for today (and today apparently started several hours ago, as the counter is set on GMT), I’ve already got fifty views. I did receive a spam comment, though, that linked to an adult dating site. Maybe people were coming here thinking they’d see dirty, nasty, naughty posts. Um, I could write those, I guess. I mean, it wouldn’t be that different from the stuff I normally write. But I’m not particularly keen on an erotica blog.

Today was a write-off at Hell. I accidentally got rude with my new Supervisor. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but the guy is a moron in the grandest sense. I posed a question, asked for some assistance, and he has no feedback except “send it to XX.” Um, that’s great, but XX has no information on this query! It would be like… hmm. It would be like me having a sick dog, and you telling me to visit an orthodontist. WTF?

Worked at Candy Mountain tonight, which is a sight better than sitting around my apartment on a Friday. We did a lot of work, Dancer and I. That’s good, since we’re both in tomorrow. The more we got done tonight, the less there would be on a busy Saturday. I stopped at the bookstore on my way home. I intended to buy one book. Just one. I even sort of had an idea of which one I wanted, though I had no idea how to go about finding it. So thirty-five dollars and three books later…

I bought Dark Angels, because I like Court stories, and it was only $5. I also bought The Book of Negroes because I’ve always been fascinated by slavery, and I bought Pillars of the Earth. That was the one I’d intended to buy; I remember Chicago telling me he’d thought it was a great book, and that’s a good a reason as any to buy a book. It was the one I’d gone in half-looking for, without being able to remember the title, or the author. Luckily, the sequel was on sale, which made the first one pretty easy to find.

I’m half-assed texting with Grammar tonight – more off than on. I’m also a bit concerned about Woodstock. I haven’t heard from her, which … well, I’m worried that what I’ve written has had an adverse effect on our friendship. Then again, I can’t change who I am or what I’ve done. Frankly, the only thing I might’ve done differently is change the way the evening of December 9th ended. But that might be asking a bit too much. lol.

All right, time to be serious for a minute. This article pissed me off. I simply can’t fathom how such a poorly-written article made it into the paper, and then, onto the wire service. I’m not exactly sure what the author’s point is supposed to be. I think she’s disgusted by the fact that people stood around taking pictures of a dead girl with their cameras. That I can understand. But then she starts in on “gangsta” rap and cell phone use by the victims at the crime scene, and the article degenerates into some pseudo-bullshit commentary on how hip hop is turning troubled youth into violent offenders. Wha’? That’s the equivalent of saying that listening to rock ‘n’ roll leads to sex! If you’re gonna have an opinion, at least make it a good one, hmm?

And to end on a less-serious note, there’s this article about how a woman in Tokyo killed off her virtual ex-husband (his avatar, not his physical body) and ended up in jail for it. Not for the crime of virtually killing a virtual person in a virtual world, but for theft of computer access. It put a smile on my face, because it’s ludicrous. Then again, the world is getting smaller, and people are making it bigger by making it virtual. Ah, technology, how I love thee….

The Old Black Rum

The old black rum’s got a hold on me,
like a dog wrapped ’round my leg…

Okay, WTF? I have, on average, ten views a day. Maybe twenty if I’m lucky. Remember when I put that post on Craigslist for the wedding date? I averaged around thirty views a day, then. (smart boys, googling my email address)

One Hundred and Thirty Four today. I gave the link to Woodstock today. It took a lot for me to do that. I think it’s because, we’ve been living very different lives for two or three years. She’s gone down one path, I’ve gone down another. I’m not saying one’s better or worse, but they are different. And in the same way that I can’t begin to fathom what motherhood is really like, I don’t think she can fathom how my experiences in the past few years have reshaped me. So… I was am a bit concerned that what she’ll read here will adversely affect her opinion of me.

But getting back to it… I don’t know, and can’t figure out, if the 134 views means I’ve had 134 pages viewed? I’ll be damned if I can figure out where the views have come from. I haven’t got any links pointed at me, there’s no one entry that’s accumulated a lot of views… Meh.

Today was a shit day at Hell. New coworker was in a rotten, rotten mood. She is exceptionally good at not taking it out on me, but whatever she had, it passed to me. Everything I touched today required kid gloves. I emailed a customer a quote? Oh, let’s do that again. And then again. Hopefully third time’s the charm. Emailed a customer to tell him he can’t have a credit? That’s him on the phone, wanting to yell at me. What’s that? At five p.m., my Supervisor comes to me with a list of procedures I have to read through? Uh huh…

I escaped to the grocery store after work. I love the grocery store. It’s such an amazing chance to unwind. I can’t figure out why, but I always end up grinning halfway through the store and carry on that way until I get home. Today, I found this startling, stunning, stops-you-dead-in-your-tracks guy in the produce department. He’s with a girl, though. She’s average-looking. Nothing special about her at all (my first thought was that she must give good head). They were going around the store one way, and I the other. We passed several times, and I enjoyed the view. I smiled a lot, because a guy like him would never look at a girl like me. And rather than depressing me, that thought always makes me slightly giddy. Not sure why. Chalk it up to being left-handed, or a Pisces, or something. Anyway, I think it happened in the soup aisle.

I was looking for my portobello mushroom ravioli soup, and that was it. I turned to look at him, and caught him. With his finger up his nose. IN A PICK! Oh, I couldn’t even wait until I got to the end of the aisle before I texted Pretty to tell her. It was incredible. So hot, so super-smokin’ hot, and so… disappointed. And you know what else? They were standing at the side of the aisle, their buggy parked directly in the middle. I had to say, “excuse me” to get by. He moved, saying, “oh…” and then when he realized they’d parked their buggy in the middle, he said, “Oh!” That was the sum-total of his brilliance.

I got a call today on my cell. I’m sure it was probably a wrong number, but the number looked familiar for some reason. I googled it and searched for it in every way I knew. I even went back in my cell phone bills and checked my dialed numbers for a few months to see if it came up (it didn’t). Hmm. No message, so I’m guessing it was just a wrong number. Yes, I can hear everyone saying it now, I have a problem. Yes, yes. They call it Disconnect Anxiety.

Other than that, I came home, unpacked the groceries, made dinner (salmon, rice, asparagus), and IM’med with T.. Then I polished some of my silver. It’s completely filthy. I’ve turned a white washcloth black. It’s disgusting. Silvo works a lot better than Crest, though.

I’m texting a bit with Grammar this evening. As per the rules, I did not text him first (am I retarded for behaving in this way?). He texted me this – “Single women with kids are hot. What’s your sister doing this weekend?” I told him to have at ‘er, but that she is sort of seeing someone. He wanted to know why I didn’t tell him no – “stop [him] from doing stupid things”. I replied, “Why? I’m not dating you, not your mother, and not even sure most days that we’re friends. You made it 34 years without censorship!” He said, “Pfft. Not friends??? Do you want me to hate you?” In my state of mind (which is admittedly odd tonight), I laughed. I sat here and giggled. Would it make a difference in the way he treated me, you think? Oh my God, for some reason I find that completely hilarious.

If T. was ever right about any man with me (she’s not), I would be inclined to believe her in this case. She thinks that he’s doing his best to find out where I’ll say “no”. He’s not nearly as weird as he thinks he is. In the past few years, I’ve mastered Weird. So he asks if I mind if he dates my brother’s girlfriend. I care more about my brother than her. Then he asks if he can date my sister. And I don’t care about that, either. I wonder if he’s confused. If so, it’d be a nice change.

All right, I’m rambling. You know, I went back to the first few entries I wrote. They were kinda depressing. And rather short. I’m getting verbose again. Need to tighten up!

Two Thousand Years

We’re on the verge of all things new…

Sis texted me last night around 10:30. I had just gotten to sleep… I remember looking at the clock at 10:16, and then I was out like a light. But she texted me, and that was it. I was still awake when Grammar texted me at 2:30. I didn’t answer his text, because I knew I’d be fully awake again, and I needed the paltry four hours of sleep that I was on tap for.

Grammar then texted me this morning. I’ve sort of made a deal with myself that I won’t initiate conversation. 90For example, I wouldn’t have texted him tonight if he didn’t text me first. We’re incommunicado at the moment, but he could be busy, pulled over, abusing the one-eyed gopher while jerking off to Juggs and driving an eighteen-wheeler… (yes, he said that, not me).

This is my attempt to maintain a cool, collected, and confident persona. I like that word – confident. I like to think that people see me that way, even though inside I’m a wiggling mess of real-fruit gummy bears.

I’m constantly intrigued by the postings on Craigslist in which men are too afraid to approach a woman and say hi. I ain’t no blooming red rose in a greenhouse full of weeds, but I know that any attempt by any guy to reach out is appreciated, even if it’s not reciprocated. I think we’re all wiggling messes of real-fruit gummy bears on the inside. Confidence looks great on the outside, but inside? jigglejigglejigglejiggle…

(I just finished a bowl of Smartfood and I’m drinking a glass of milk when what I really wanted was a Dutchie from CountryStyle – yes CountryStyle because their donuts are bigger – and a tea.)

We had a fire drill at Hell today. This is only relevant because I am a volunteer Fire Warden. I even have the pretty red baseball cap with the bright yellow letters that says so. How, you ask, did this happen? I was voluntold last summer that I would be a Fire Warden. It’s my job to make sure everyone’s out of my area, that a line of communication is maintained between the Fire Wardens outside, and that the doors are shut, etc. It’s very exciting stuff. My old coworker came by this morning, looked at me and my hat. Then he glanced down at my feet, nodded, and wandered away. What? Are four-inch heels some sort of detriment to proper Fire Warden-ing?

K. was in the office again today. He again sent me an email that said, “hun”. I am remaining true to my goal of yesterday, and assuming he’s being nothing but friendly. Besides which, who would be interested in a chick you said you had “long feet”? (and don’t even think of preaching gummy bears to me. it’s different. i work with him. if he said “no”, i still have to work with him. that’d suck.)

T. and The Ex were briefly discussing my addiction to technology (specifically, the Internet) and such today. It’s odd to think of them talking. It doesn’t bother me, I just find it amusing. I’m not really sure why. Perhaps because I picture The Ex running into his bedroom to change into jeans, as if she’s going to ask him to turn on his webcam.

Edited to add: you. must. go. right. now. and. read. this. My Place In The Universe THIS COULD BE ME!