Good Fish, Bad Fish.

I’m laying here in a strange bed, in T.’s sister’s home. I’m tired; it’s past midnight and the Upstairsian woke me up early this morning. Busy day, too. In brief:

I went down to the Courthouse this morning and dropped off the rest of the paperwork for the divorce. I called The Ex from the parking lot and asked him why he hadn’t signed one of the pages that I’d very clearly indicated needed a signature. His response was that no one at the Court told him he had to. I replied, “but I told you that you had to!” Well, I went in and signed it and paid the fee. The fact that he’s a fucking idiot who had to make a second trip to the Courthouse really isn’t my problem. Seriously, though. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was doing everything in his power to fuck things up. Argh!!

Got in the car with T. and The Boy and drove four hours to Kingston. The only duller drive that I know of is the one to Windsor.

But, we did end up on the Highway of Heroes, a section of the 401 renamed for the fallen soldiers who land at CFB Trenton and are driven down the highway to Toronto for their autopsies.

And three men came home today from overseas. It really brought the loss home, seeing the people lined up on the overpasses across the highway, waiting for the convoy with the three hearses. It was extremely sobering. T. pulled over and we stood on the shoulder of the opposite side of the highway and watched the convoy drive by. Traffic slows to a trickle, then stops completely. Then the lights of the first OPP cruiser came around the bend. Then the hearses, and the vehicles with the families, and the Canadian Forces officials.

Anyway, we made it to Kingston and it’s late and I’m tired. I’ve eaten far more crap today than I should have, and I’m tired. Time for some sleep. I miss Indigo.

Some days I have to give right in to the blues
Despite how I try to keep fightin’
It’s a sure shot I’m going to lose
And I’ll tell you why
You think I’m crazy
It’s such a sad composition
But can you blame me
For what’s been causing my bad disposition?
Ain’t nothing new with my blue situation
And nothing’s fine, it’s just a minor variation

All right, today I don’t actually have the blues. But it is 10:39 and I’m so tired I literally can’t see straight. It happens. Words are blurry, the TV’s blurry, blah blah.

I have to keep this entry short; tomorrow morning, T. and The Boy are coming to get me; we’re driving to Kingston to T.’s sister’s house for New Year’s. I’m a little bit worried about going, because I will be the fifth wheel. But… I’ve met her sister and her sister’s boyfriend a couple of times. They’re nice people. T.’s sister is my age. The boyfriend is a rocket scientist. No, really.

Anyway, I’m going to be the dumbest person in the room, as I told Chicago. He told me to stop discounting my own abilities, just because I wasn’t a rocket scientist or an engineer didn’t mean I wasn’t smart. He even said witty, which made me laugh. It’s a new experience, which is why I’m going. I’m wondering why I always end up in the car for hours whenever T. is around, but I also know that if I sit here by myself for the next six days, I might be forced to shoot myself, because I know I’ll be suffering from the blues then. We’re coming home Thursday sometime, which still gives me three days before I have to go to work.

I’ve got the new speakers hooked up, right? It’s odd listening to this stuff with actually bass. The songs sound completely different; it reminds me of listening to “No Time” on the big box speakers that my parents used to have (I mean, listening to the vinyl!). So that’s what it’s supposed to sound like!

Anyway, today I woke up very late (it’s the week before the week, and thus I’m exceedingly tired). I read the paper, I made up my budget for January; checked my investments and my loans, paid my bills, took down and put away my Christmas tree. Vacuumed and tidied the living room. I also took out a gigantic bag of garbage; there wasn’t any room for it in the dumpster, which sucks, but that’s the landlord’s problem, not mine.

I met TLG at the gym and got my ass knocked sideways. I told her that I felt bad that I needed such long breaks, and she reassured me that she wasn’t taking it easy on me. That’s good.

I don’t know if I’m going to make my 30×30 goal. I’m a little disappointed, but now I want to see how close I can get. Even twenty pounds would be damned nice.

I worked too hard at the gym; TLG had me doing sprints in between my lat pulldowns, and I worked it too hard. I can’t do that; I end up with a migraine headache. I took two of Shrek’s pills, which didn’t do much good at all. I ate dinner; that didn’t help, either. I took the corn bag that Pretty bought me and I warmed it up and put it against my neck and the back of my head. That did help. I still have a headache, but it no longer feels like my eyes are trying to escape my head by interior hammer-beating. I feel vaguely nauseous right now. Not sure why.

I paid off my Visa today and I made arrangements to put payments on my MC for the next few paycheques. I took both cards out of my wallet. I’ve heard that putting them in a ziploc and then putting that ziploc in another ziploc and filling it with water and freezing it is a good idea. I think  I might do that. God forbid I actually need them, it’s simply a matter of defrosting. And not having them, or access to the numbers, will keep me from making those impulse purchases. I don’t need to pay off credit cards every month.

Anyway, time to go put away my clothes and hit the sheets. I’m hoping I get up early enough tomorrow to run down to the courthouse and submit the second set of divorce paperwork. Otherwise, it has to wait until Friday. I didn’t want to go today, as I figured everyone who put stuff off last week would be going down there. But… it has to be done.

I finally have my PC back. There’s apparently nothing wrong with it. Well, that’s not exactly true. AM2’s husband can’t find what’s wrong with it. There may be something wrong with the harddrive, but he’s not sure what. The problem is intermittent. Sometimes it starts properly, sometimes it doesn’t. He suggested just not turning it off. Excellent solution. lol. Seriously, though, I asked him if I should buy a new computer, and he said that in my place, he would keep using this one until it totally dies. And then he backed everything up for me onto a couple of discs and gave me back my machine.

T. asked if I needed a new computer today, because T Consulting could buy a new computer if necessary. I’m honestly so touched; it means more to me that she’d be willing to buy me a new computer than if she, say, bought me a plane ticket.

I’m sitting here, listening to my iTunes through the new speakers that my parents bought me for Christmas, which hook up nicely to my PC and allow me to listen to my music with some semblance of bass and treble. My new ones are made by Bazooka. *giggles* I find that funny, for some reason.

T. gave me my Xmas gifts today, too. I got this fantastic red bead necklace with matching earrings (she knows I love a good set!). I love it. I love the weight and the clasp and the colour; it’s just fantastic. And she got me another necklace, um… a bookmark from Mexico. This beautiful apron that is FAR too pretty to actually cook in, some lotions and creams, and this amazingly soft socks. I’m sure I’m forgetting something.

Pretty got me this body wash that smells amazing, and a heating pad thing made out of corn. It’ll be great as a footwarmer in bed, or when I get home from work and want some warmth on my shoulders. Oh, and these really cute little magnets.

And now I have a few movies to watch and nothing else on the agenda. I think I’m going to go pour a nice tall glass of water in one of my new glasses and enjoy.

Here’s a penny for your thoughts
A quarter for the call
And all of your momma’s love…

Today I did a whole pile of nothing. Woke up relatively on time, Dad was still asleep. He had one job to do today, so Mom and I ended up going into town. I convinced Dad to “let her” go because Zellers had pots and pans on for 60% off. Unfortunately, we didn’t get a set there, but she did buy a set at Sears that was on about 50% off. The set was still about $250, but that was significantly cheaper than most, and it’s a good-quality set. She hasn’t had a new set for at least ten years.

I bought myself three pairs of panties (all lace “cheekies”…yum!) and a new sheet set.  Not very exciting. Oh, and an extension cord. It almost sounds like a naughty party, doesn’t it? *grins*

I’m headed home tomorrow with Creep, because T. and I are going to the Ballet in Toronto. I’m excited and wondering… I like musicals, but I have a hard time immersing  myself in them. I can immerse myself in a book. Even in some movies; I mean, to the point that you forget other people are in the room or what else you were doing. I even feel that way when I write sometimes. But I’ve never felt that way about a musical or a theatrical production. Perhaps the ballet will present that type of opportunity.

I’m working my way through my last Harry Potter book. Oh, and I’m part of the way through Midnight’s Children by Rushdie. Next up will be Gorky Park, because Grammar suggested it. Anyway, I got my last HP book back from Sis yesterday; the neighbour girl had had it for … oh… a year and a half! That’s okay. At least I have it back now, and I can read it a second time. I don’t think it was nearly as good as some of the others. There was too much aimless wandering for my taste; too much wrapping-up of loose ends.

Dad and I sat down tonight and finished cataloguing the coins he brought back from the US that belonged to his grandfather. Some of them are kinda interesting. He couldn’t find all of them online, and he didn’t put all of the foreign coins into little coinholders because he didn’t think they had much value. Okay, the Peruvian coin from 1990 might not, but the dime from 1847 from a Spanish colony probably does. He’s going to get the collection appraised and see what it’s worth. There are around 300 coins in all.

Talked to Entreri a bit online today, and T., of course. I’m tired. And I feel fat. Too much crappy, rich food. I don’t eat like this at home, thank God, or I’d easily be the size of a house! I’m giving myself tomorrow since I’m going out with T., but on Sunday, it’s back to the grind. Thirty by Thirty…

And AM2’s husband fixed my PC. Something about … “resetting the online memory module” or some other jibber-jabber that made no sense to me. So it’s all good.

Anyway, some reading, then some sleeping, then lots of driving, then making pretty, then ballet and going out. Onward!

Today is Christmas. There are few things in the world more thrilling than watching someone else open a gift that you’ve put time and thought into. Mine seemed to be received well – PJs and a new PJ top for Mom; a t-shirt and CT gift card for Dad; new watch, CD, and t-shirt for Creep… Money and a gag gift for Sis, and tons of stuff for the boys… The dinosaurs were very well received. I’m glad.

I got – a small new teapot with an infuser, two different types of travel mugs, a steamer, a blender, new glasses… My dad made each of us wooden bowls on his lathe, socks, Mom knitted me a pair of slipper-socks, the pillowcases I asked for, a couple of CDs,  and my parents had a t-shirt made up for me at the place in town. It’s yellow, and it says, “My Parents Are Proud Of Me“. I cried a little when I opened it. Dad says I’m to wear it on Sundays. And Sis and the boys got me three different kinds of looseleaf tea. I got practically everything I asked for, and a wad of red and green bills, too. I’m so lucky.

The Ex texted me yesterday and asked if he could ask a weird question. I told him I was almost afraid to say yes.  He wanted me to tell him what to get his new girlfriend for Christmas. Are you kidding me? Argh! But I gave him a few ideas, and generally acted helpful and nice, meanwhile wondering what, exactly, new girlfriend would think of his asking his ex-wife for ideas. lol. What a tool.

Oh well. Now everyone’s back sitting in front of the TV. Mom’s just finished making rum sauce so I can have Christmas pudding (like I need anything else to eat today, hmm?).

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I miss my friends today, too. Johnny and Chicago, and Entreri and Grammar, whom I haven’t heard from since yesterday morning when he told me the roads were bad… And a little bit of me even misses Dirty NJ, though I have to quell that. Pretty went to see Indigo today, and sounds like she had a good Christmas with her family, too.

Time to go beat one of the dogs to get off the couch and sit with the family. Ah, Christmas.

NJ has me tied in knots. And though that sounds like fun, it’s really not. I’m guessing that he got a tad bit frustrated today, as he said something a little brash even by his standards and then didn’t reply again. Emailing with him is somewhat akin to torture for someone who hasn’t had sex since Photog, and can that really count anyway?

I had to work tonight and the place was crazy-busy. We made our budget and then some. Lots of hot guys… Made me wish I’d been wearing more than a tshirt. Oh well. Sis is apparently looking out for me. She sold her surplus Wii to a guy she found online. She gave him the bill, which had my name as the billing address (long story, don’t ask), and he insisted he knew me. After she’d assured him that he didn’t, she sent him my pic to confirm. *sigh* because I love it when strangers have my photo. My sister is a whack job.

I’m officially house-sitting for AM2 in March. That’ll be interesting. She’s going to Florida. I told her that I want a souvenir. She promised tall, dark, and handsome.

Anyway, I love my berry, but typing long entries on it sucks. Till tomorrow.

So in my infinite wisdom, I have somehow managed to break my PC… Again. I don’t know how, but it looks like the video is shot again. Perhaps the video card that AM2’s husband installed crapped out on me. Anyway, it’s eleven thirty and I’m dutifully blogging from the Berry while in bed.

I made vegetable soup today, which is the sum-total of my accomplishments, short of watching 300 and half-finishing my paint by number. (Did I mention I put beans in the soup? Uh…yeah) I just didn’t feel like doing a thing, and the weather cooperated this morning by being perfectly rotten. Mom ended up in the ditch on her way home because she couldn’t find the road. Luckily she got herself out with a little help and made it the rest of the way without too much difficulty. I told her that if the weather didn’t improve, I have no intention of heading north on Wednesday. She agreed.

Today, I miss men. I ate a whole whack of chocolates, for which I presently feel uncontrollable guilt. I miss men, too. Curious1, Entreri (though I still haven’t figured out his deal and that makes me wary), and tonight, definitely NJ. Odd, but there you have it.

Of course, Sunday always blows as far as I’m concerned, but a good bit of nasty sex would go a long way to improving my mood, I think, and who better to oblige than NJ? Oh well. We can’t always get what we want, and maybe Santa will bring me something special for the new year.

Lately, I feel like there’s only so much happiness for me. My entries remind me of the entries I made when I started this blog in May. I’m a bit down in the dumps and I don’t really know why. I’m sure it’s a bit to do with the holiday season; I’m tired and worn out and damn if I don’t need a vacation. But I have no one special to spend my holidays with; I’m not skinny and my hair hasn’t finished growing out, I’m still working two jobs and I’m. still. alone.

I think our lives are definitely what we make of them, and that’s not to say that I’m not proud of what I’ve accomplished over the past year. I’m not exactly sure why the Sunday blahs seem to have attacked me a day early this week.

I woke up this morning in my hotel room (an unnecessary extravagance perhaps? I don’t know… when I came home this morning, the guys next doors were just plowing their parking lot, meaning I likely couldn’t have gotten into my spot). It was eight-thirty, and someone was pounding on my door. Pounding three times, to be exact. What. the fuck. Checkout is fucking noon. Go. away. Because I had nothing nice to say, I said nothing at all, and of course, Housekeeping tried to open the door, only to find it locked. Well, imagine that!

Argh. Anyway, let’s say that that episode and a few others firmly reminds me why I don’t like the Sheraton.

The roads were pretty clean on the way home. I got the apartment all tidied up this morning, made myself an omelet, and got dressed for work. I headed to one particular place in Burlington, because something told me I’d find T.’s gift there. I found something I loved, which was far out of my price range. Then I found something I liked, and decided that would do. I’m pleased with my decision, and I hope she will be. Buying gifts for parents and friends like her is hard. Other people have items on which they don’t splurge, or that hidden half-secret obsession that you can exploit at the holidays; T. isn’t really like that. Anyway, I’m done. All gifts are wrapped and under the tree.

AM2 called me around 1:15 and asked me not to go to CM today. She said it wasn’t busy enough. So… I didn’t. Unfortunate, but there isn’t much I could do about it. I came home, shoveled out my parking spot, and cleaned up the sidewalk so I could get into and out of the building without breaking my freaking neck. Finished tidying the apartment, even made the bed and vacuumed. Took a short nap and then Mom showed up and we went to Grandma’s and then out for dinner. I’m sure that Mom deliberately didn’t tell Creep that she was coming to town. It was kinda nice just to see them alone.

Perhaps my problem is just that I’m crazy-ass tired. I read a lot last night and then was woken up early, and it’s been a busy, steady day. Some say… better things will come our way…

So tonight I’m blogging from The Sheraton. I went to work this morning because we really had no option. And we had the Potluck. The snow had just started when I left for work, and it just got worse. When I left around one, I found myself stuck in the parking lot four times. Luckily I have a tiny shovel in my trunk and managed to get myself free. Plows were blocking the on ramp to the highway, so I took the city route and did my best to stay safe.

When I did get on the highway, there was a broken lightstand literally swinging in the air. And there was a transport truck crossing the Skyway Bridge, he was bloodywell empty! You could see the wind making his trailer concave! I was scared shitless anf refused to pass him. I swear I could see his back wheels coming off the ground. I got honked at by someone who did pass me, but I had no intention of trying to pass that truck.

Anyway, by the time I got halfway home, my ABS and traction control stopped working; The Ex said it was because the sensors were covered in snow. So no ABS and no traction support. I made it to my street, and circled the block three times trying to find a place to park. Even the convenience store’s parking lot hadn’t been plowed yet. I didn’t know what to do, so I drove all the way downtown to park my car in the Underground at the mall. I intended to take a bus home, but they’re all running hours behind. And Creep said I’d end up waiting hours for a cab. Couple that with the inconvenience of having to come back downtown to get my car plus pay for parking… I bit the bullet and paid for a hotel room.

I’m watching tv!!! And apparently there is a jacknifed trailer on the highway. They shut down one of the local highways because transports couldn’t get up the hill. CAA responded to 3000 calls before this afternoonm

So, I’m going to go downstairs and grab some dinner in the food court and I bought a two dollar book. And I’m going to watch tv and wash my underwear in the sink. Yeehaw!

The Boss called me into her office this morning and asked me what happened with a particular order. I explained it very concisely (i.e. without too many details a la usual style). She looked at me and said, “Okay so it’s your fault. That’s what I needed to know.” And that’s it, I was dismissed. There was no discussion, no explanation permitted, and I didn’t even bother. I mean, why? Her mind was made up as soon as I said “I”. Nevermind the fact that the reason MY error mattered was because two other people made errors of the same size. Bah.

Then we had a fiasco with lunch. We have these product information sessions about once a week. The woman who’s organized them has managed to get the product managers to give us lunch. The idea is great. But this week, it was Thai. The restaurant gave our lunch away to a teacher. She realized when she got to the school, and she sent her mother to pick up the correct food. Our food stayed at the school. The restaurant sent someone to pick up our food. Shockingly, it was cold. It had been, after all, an hour. Then they made us fresh food; it was all sent in individual portions and none of the ten packages were marked. No one knew whose was whose. I got mine, finally, only to find out that the shrimp and veggies that I’d ordered… the shrimp wasn’t cooked. It was bloody well still opaque. I had throw it out and ended up having the turkey dinner from the cafeteria, which was way better, anyway. Argh!

I just finished cutting up all the veggies for the potluck tomorrow, and washing the tray I plan to use. And I wrapped my secret santa gift (a puzzle and a box of chocolates). The apartment is a mess and I don’t care. Tomorrow it’s supposed to snow like a bastard, and I can’t think of anything I’d rather do less than go to work. I’d love to call in sick, if the opportunity presented itself, but it won’t.

I did go to the gym today and met with TLG. She worked me pretty hard and I’m so tired from those three twelves in a row… I didn’t want to do cardio. Instead, I took the laughter yoga class that was offered. It was kinda neat, and it wasn’t strenuous (obviously). Just five women sitting around in a circle, laughing. I’ve lost two pounds in the past two weeks, but one of those pounds was muscle, which isn’t good. However, I have lost some inches, and that is good news. Bit by bit…

Enough. I’m going to bed, Upstairsian be damned…