Human Nature

I was wrong. Okay, I don’t really think that. I think there’s something up with Mud, and I don’t know what. But I’m letting it go. I’m letting the whole thing go. I can’t…

I think part of my problem is that I had a weekend with a lot of people. I know my life is good, but it’s been a bit of a slog since Mother’s Day, when we rushed up north and back. Then down to the South, North again. Out to the African Lion Safari. Then the concert this weekend. I think my emotions are frayed and I think I’m having trouble keeping my shit together.

I’m not 100% sure if the change in medication has anything to do with it; it’s too soon to tell. I’ve just been pushing myself too hard, lately. I need to slow it down. I can’t keep up this pace. I’ve forgotten how to stop and smell the roses, and that results in days like today, where I end up staying home simply because having to deal with people is going to land me in the nuthouse. I get stressed out and I can’t cope. I hate that about myself, but I can’t change it at the moment. I’m going to have to remember that though I’m on medication, I’m on medication. That means that not everything is good. It’s like being sick, but not being sick. I guess that doesn’t make a lot of sense. Perhaps I’m using it as an excuse for my behaviour, though I hope not. I’ve just found things overwhelming lately. And so I need to back off and decompress.

I did go to CM tonight to work. The New Guy started, and he’s okay. I don’t have anything against him… yet. He’s cute enough, certainly dresses well, and appears to be intelligent. I think we’ll get along okay. He’s gone to university, has a brain in his head, and why he’s working at a toy store for minimum wage, I’m not sure. Meh. Whatever. I’m sure the story will come out. I’ve never worked anywhere where the people weren’t all messed up, so I’m sure there’s a background story to him.

I just finished watching the last twenty minutes of that guy’s biography of Michael Jackson. For the first time, I’m not totally convinced that Michael is a pedophile. I’ve never sat down and watched an interview with him before. He was clearly off his rocker, but almost like… well, he was a star. Reality was skewed for him from a young age. And I realize that he was a performer and therefore he could bend reality to suit him, in certain cases. I just found myself genuinely caring for this wacky man who obviously never wanted to grow up. I realize my exposure was limited, but I think he might’ve just been crazy, not wicked.

Anyway. I’m taking myself and my John Grisham novel and going to bed. It’s a quarter past eleven and I could probably use some more sleep. Rest my weary head.

I miss T.. Especially lately. Chicago and she did a good job of slapping me upside the head today. I needed it. Being with T. is almost worse than being without her, because I realize when I’m with her that time is limited and reality always kicks back in. We’re two halves of the same coin. Like a bad magic trick, we’ve been split up, and that’s just not how it’s supposed to be. *sigh* Everything in its time. Being apart is probably helping me grow up.

Hurt

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
…
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Mud texted me. Two texts. Asking about my weekend and the concert. I expected it might lead to more. It didn’t. I had promised myself I would wait until tomorrow, but we all know impatience is pretty much my middle name.

I texted him. Asked why I was getting this weird-ass sort-of silent treatment. His reply? He wasn’t giving me the silent treatment. Then he called me when I didn’t answer his text. What is there to say to that?

And on the phone – what was I talking about? I pointed out that for three weeks, we’d talked almost every other day. Texts, emails. Then last week, nothing. His response? “Well, I know I didn’t call you, but it wasn’t intentional.” What does that mean? I don’t even know what that means. I tried to ask if we were on the same page, if everything was still “kosher”. Well, everything was fine with him, as far as he was concerned. I was am baffled. I don’t even know what to say. I just kept repeating, “okay”.  I feel like I got a book out of the library and thought I’d read it all and I’ve found out I’ve missed a chapter and that’s what the exam focuses on.

What did I miss? I just… I pointed to Wednesday’s awful, awkward conversation. His response was that he didn’t see what was wrong, sure, he understood if maybe he’d upset me on Wednesday. And he apologized for upsetting me. I said I wasn’t upset, just… confused. And he said he didn’t understand what I was confused about. I just said, “okay” again. Like a fucking automaton. What was I supposed to say? “Hey, I thought you cared about me as much as I cared about you and suddenly I feel like you’re hanging me out to dry and I don’t understand why?”

I just… I shouldn’t have let myself. I knew it. I feel like I’ve just lost a race I didn’t even know I was struggling to win. It’s like watching the future crash right in front of your face. Hey Blue, here’s your happiness. We’ll dangle it like a carrot, but there ain’t no fucking way we’re gonna give it to you.

I’m being melodramatic. My life is good. I have good friends, a good home, a good family. I have a good life. I shouldn’t be sitting here, typing out my feelings on a computer screen, with tears dripping down my face. Sometimes, I think I ask for too much. I should be happy with what I have.

Sometimes I bring the hurt on myself. Then there’s no one to blame but me.

Lost In the Garden of Eden

I am tired. I’m stressed, and I’m ticked off.

We went up north on Friday night, and I took my last Cipralex then. I didn’t take a Prozac on Saturday night; with my pharmacist’s advice in mind, I took one this morning. But I’m wondering if that’s part of the problem. Part of me says I’m micromanaging my health, but I guess we’ll wait and see.

The concert. Okay, let’s get to that. The concert was excellent. Sis, the nephews, TheEx, Creep & the g/f, Cousin & Hubby, and two of Sis’s friends were there. We all set up in the back yard at Mom’s place. Folding chairs, coolers full of fruit and veggies and chips… Pop and beer… We were out there from about noon until we left to go to the concert. So we’d all had a fair bit of sun. I burned my back, but not badly. We did a bit of swimming, a lot of sitting, plenty of relaxing. But it took its toll.

Five of us showered, then we were all ready to go. I didn’t want to be at the park much before six. Others wanted to be there at five. We didn’t leave the house until 6:30.  The plan was to walk down the street to the arena and get on a shuttlebus (read: schoolbus) to get to the concert. The problem was, we got down there and found a lineup three people deep and probably two hundred people long. The odds weren’t looking good for us. And as we’d started out late, no one wanted to wait in line. This would turn out to be a stupid decision.

So we walked back past the house, and up the street (stupidly, we walked back past Mom’s house, where Nephew3 ran out, still screaming and crying from when his mother had left the first time). That slight problem was dealt with by everyone, and it was all good. Off we went down the street.

I swear to the Lord above, Sis said that the walk was a kilometre and a half. And I believed her, because it made sense to me, since I knew where the front of the airport was. Ahhh. Not so much. The good news is, we got there much faster than we would have if we’d driven. We were passing the line of cars like they were sitting still. Errr… they were. The bad news is, each of us walked five kilometres in flipflops. We were hot, sweaty, and tired by the time we arrived. The Arkells – the second of four acts - took the stage as we arrived, so thankfully, we had plenty of time.

We staked out a piece of fence near the soundstage in the middle of the park and waited. And waited. And waited. I must say, there was plenty of eyecandy to look at, including four quite handsome OPP officers who camped out in the soundstage and provided a fair bit of ogling attraction. Sis took pictures.

The Arkells were okay. I found them loud, but they’re from The Hammer, so they earned my respect. Sam Roberts was okay. But The Hip were fantastic. They played one of my two favourite songs. They also had a couple of giant screens up, so us poor saps at the back could see. We were close enough to see Gordie’s mouth moving, but not close enough to see the fingers moving on the guitars. The man dances like a chicken, I swear. He did the moonwalk, though, as a tribute to Michael Jackson. They played a decent set – they were onstage by 9:15 and didn’t leave until ten after eleven. I’ve never yet been to a bad Hip show. And really… the DJs from the sponsoring radio station came onstage before the Hip, and 15,000 people broke into an impromptu version of O Canada. What a proud moment.

I wish that there was a hill at the airfield (I know, I know, it defeats the whole purpose of the “airfield”). But at Molson Park in Barrie, you could pretty much see the stage no matter where you were. At the airfield, it was so flat that I’m sure the people at the back of the park couldn’t see the stage at all, and that’s unfortunate.

The evening was interspersed with watching the Security and the cops deal with several medical emergencies (convulsions, anyone?), and the asshats shaking the fence that blocked off the back of the soundstage. And by shaking I mean having the fence leave the ground and almost tip over. It was really annoying and a bit scary. I suddenly understood how quickly things like that can get out of hand, and how riots happen at concerts. Luckily, the OPP and Security dealt with it pretty efficiently, and no one was hurt.

At the end of the night, we had another five-kilometre hike back home. In the dark. On a gravel road. They’d set up lights on the pathway through the field, but I don’t think they’d expected quite so many people to walk. Traffic was being diverted down a sideroad, so those of us walking weren’t getting hit by vehicles coming up behind us. But the lack of headlights meant a  march in the dark, with a few thousand other people.

We fired up the barbecue and ate some knackwurst and pizza before everyone gave up and went to bed. It was sometime after one a.m., but I’m not sure exactly when.

I told my mom today on the phone that I have no intention of driving Creep and the g/f and their dog up there this summer. I’m going to have to get the car cleaned, inside and out. She laid two scratches on my rear passenger door (outside) that aren’t going to come out. The inside is filled with dog hair, and the two back windows and the rear window are covered in dog slobber. And the g/f talked a lot on the way home. I just… I don’t have any use for her at all. I know she makes my brother happy (presumably) but seriously. In my opinion, she brings out his worst qualities.

Anyway. I dropped them off at home and made it back here around 5:30. TheEx got home before me, I’m sure. Cousin asked if it was weird being there with him, at my parents’ house, going to the concert… I said no, not really. I didn’t find anything that strange at all about it. She said she didn’t find it weird, either, because we were still sociable, just clearly not together. I mean, I’m probably going to hang out with him as long as I’m around. And I’m certainly going to talk to him probably forever. But I have no interest whatsoever in being married to the guy.

I haven’t heard anything from Mud. It’s nine p.m. now and I’m desperately hoping that the phone will ring tonight. I haven’t heard from him at all since Thursday’s apology text. If I don’t get anything, I’m going to call him tomorrow night after work. And I don’t expect I’m going to be all that patient or pleased with him. What he’s done isn’t fair, and I deserve to know why I’ve got this sudden wall of silence.

Anyway. Pretty came and looked after Indigo for me, and kindly left me a stack of novels. I’m going to take one to bed and work on it for an hour. I was hoping to use a “mental health” day tomorrow, but one of the women at work asked me to – Mud just texted me – cover some of her small motor tasks, and I don’t want to let her down. So I guess I’m going to work. I have Wednesday off for Canada Day – I can sleep then, right? … Right?!

We’ve Got a Groovy Kind of Love

I’m patently ignoring that which is bothering me most tonight. Instead, I’m going to concentrate on my Blackberry background, which is a picture I took the last time I went up on the Bruce Trail.

Everything is green, and you can see a trail marker on one of the trees. The path is outlined in dark brown dirt, but the question of where it leads remains open to the viewer’s interpretation.

The Six Nations Indians would once have wandered through that forest. They would’ve hunted the deer and fished in the Lake. I’m sure they even had their own name for the Devil’s Punchbowl.

I guess really, a human’s time on Earth is so fleeting. The Earth remains, but all the things that we think of as big problems really aren’t. When you take into consideration our place in the universe, the worries of one 30-year old woman seem rather trivial. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Thriller

Michael Jackson died today. Grammar texted me to tell me. I’d heard Michael had a heart attack, but not that he’d died. Grammar wondered if it was a publicity stunt. I don’t see how – he died at home but was rushed to the hospital at UCLA. I’m not sure how you’d fake a death at UCLA. Maybe at his friend’s compound over in Saudi Arabia, but not at UCLA. People on FB are equating his death with that of Elvis and John Lennon. I’m not so sure about that. Perhaps, if he’d died … well, then again, Elvis died way past his prime, too. I’m sure we’ll be inundated with media reports and special live broadcasts about Michael in the coming weeks. Everyone will forget that Farah Fawcett died today, too.

Tonight I ran to the bank, ran back to a lady’s house here in B-town, and bought her used BBQ. Then I ran home, changed, changed the bed, and went back out to Body Combat at the gym. Then over to the pharmacy, and home again. Quick shower and a protein shake. And a bowl of frozen peas, and one of frozen raspberries. Dinner done. I watched about an hour of TV, but man, it’s boring in the summer. I’ve mostly packed my bag for tomorrow and I’ve packed the laundry. The dishes are done, the garbage is emptied. I have to clean Indigo’s cage tomorrow before I leave, and that’s that.

I’m still angry at Mud. Not angry, per se. I think that Woodstock helped me out there. She said in many ways, she’s always found me “emotionally mature”, in that I am aware of what emotion I’m feeling and I let it happen. I don’t fly off the handle and then wonder what set me off in the first place. I guess that’s true enough. I think I’m overly emotional.

OM called me enigmatic once. I don’t think it was intended as a compliment. Another squirrelly little fellow told me that I was “hard to get to know”. When I asked TheEx if he thought I was an emotional woman, if I emoted too much, he said he thought just the opposite. He said he often had to guess. I was quite surprised. So perhaps it’s only with my girlfriends that I’m so exceptionally emotional?

Speaking of, OM texted me earlier this week. Seriously. Get a grip, man. That’s two unanswered texts in the past few months. Figure it out. And… I had completely forgotten I even had one, but my account at that site was still active. Last night I went in to delete it, and TheGiant is back online there. It just made me shake my head. He’s still billing himself as single, and is talking about having the summer off to “play”. So much for thinking he’s not “that kind” of guy. I really am better off not having him around.

Mud texted me about two hours ago and apologized. I sent him back a text, but haven’t heard anything more from him. I’m not touching it until he does. Perhaps Woodstock is right, and sometimes I’m impatient about waiting for people to realize what they’re feeling. Maybe that accounts for some of my famous impatience. I know how I feel, so why does it take other people so long? Then again, I know that my feelings aren’t always… true? … so sometimes I’m in the wrong, jumping ahead. Hmm. That requires a bit of thought.

What else? Oh, the insurance company wouldn’t approve my crazy pills. This is a pain in the ass, as I’m now out $40 that I’m not going to get back, because I’ve paid for two weeks of pills out of my own pocket. I called the doctor’s office this morning and got through almost right away. They called through another prescription for me. I’m now on Fluoxetine, which everyone will recognize by its trade name, Prozac. Same type of drug, so hopefully it has the same effects. The pharmacist (who now knows me by name) suggested I start taking them in the morning instead of at night. I’m not so sure about why, something to do with the side effects, but I’ll just believe her and do as she suggested.

Interestingly, Wiki says that Prozac is also used in the treatment of PMDD. My Cipralex was not. So perhaps the Prozac will actually be better for me. I don’t think I have PMDD, but I certainly do experience some negative PMD symptoms.

That’s about it, otherwise. I think Pretty was smart in skipping the Body Combat class tonight. The one on Tuesday was fantastic. Tonight’s was a real ass-kicker. I feel like I’ve been beaten up. I’m sore like I did a lot of weights and cardio, to boot.

Well, I know it’s early (9:45) but I think I’m going to go to bed and read for a bit. I’m so glad I didn’t have to work tonight. I got a lot done. and I owe my mom a phone call; I wanted to tell her about my medication change. Tomorrow’s going to be busy – the whole weekend will be. Must remember to pack my bug spray, too. And my camera!

Back off, Bitch

You know, there are times when I’m sorry that I’m a Pisces. Such a typical Pisces, with the whole empathy thing and being more sensitive to peoples’ moods than most. Generally, it serves me well. I can read people and their moods with more skill than the average bear. But some days, it’s just really fucking irritating.

Tell me why someone would answer the phone if they have no real desire to have a conversation? I would rather have talked to Mud’s voicemail tonight than struggle through the hour of conversation we just had. Someone needs to tell that man that if he doesn’t want to talk, he isn’t bloody well obligated to pick up his phone.

I haven’t heard much from him in the past few days. The communication on his end has been very sporadic, and I’ve been doing my best to be patient. Better than my best, I’ve been downright great. When I feel a need to communicate… when I feel needy, I email Chicago, and he helps me through it. In the past few days, I’ve gotten two texts from the man and one snarky email. I think that’s since Monday morning. Normally we’re a tad bit more communicative, but this week, apparently not. It’s like we’re back to square one, where he is irritated by and doesn’t know what to do with me.

I know it’s hot down there, and I know that takes a toll on a person. I know he’s got a trip at work tomorrow which he’s not happy about. But frankly, I tried to get off the phone after I’d been talking to him for half an hour. It was painful, awful, miserable conversation, and all it’s done is reaffirm the fact that he didn’t want to talk in the first place. So I don’t know what I’ve done, and I’m just angry right now. And he knows it. I wasn’t rude to him, but c’mon, a saint would’ve been irritated by the conversation he was putting forth.

I’m going to bed now. That was a waste of my time; I would’ve been better off sleeping. And no, I don’t want to discuss it any further.

Sitting on Top of the World

It’s 8:30, and I haven’t heard from Mud today. I got one text from him yesterday, a few emails, but nothing special. One email today. Nothing else. I’m biding my time. I can’t be the one who always initiates contact, and I’m trying not to be that needy girl. Even though we all know I am that needy girl.

I guess I’m trying to have consideration for his feelings, as much as I want him to have consideration for mine. I think that’s really important. He doesn’t want to be overburdened right now; he doesn’t want a leech. So it’s out of character for me to stand apart, and just… be. I remember that last night, when we went out to dinner. I didn’t go out of my way to touch him or make any reference to the fact that I’d spent 24 hours with him. But I think he wanted that connection, he referred to it, and he touched me first. I’m okay with that, I just want to know where the boundaries are.

I think, with TheEx, it was old before it was ever new. We knew each other so well, before we even started dating. We talked for hours on the phone, we knew each other in a way that our partners at the time did not. There wasn’t any “getting to know you” as a couple, it just was. And now I’m playing this long-distance game with someone that I haven’t known for the past fifteen years. I’m trying to figure out the steps along the way, but it’s like walking blindfolded.

I think sometimes, along the way, we lose sight of that consideration and care for our partner. We start to take their reactions for granted and we forget how to … make it new, I guess. We forget that getting to know each other is a continuous process, it’s not a one- or two-year thing. None of us are stagnant; we are constantly growing as people. It would be absurd to think that our needs and wants don’t change with us. And therefore, we need to be vigilant, when we’re part of a couple, that we don’t lose sight of what’s important to the other party. Those requirements might change and the relationship must grow and change at the same time.

I think that’s what happened to TheEx and me. I don’t think that has to be the end result, but I think it was foretold for the two of us. We just grew separately. We reached the point where we had to change and take the same path, or we had to start walking alone. My mother told me once that she thought TheEx and I were starting to deviate – that we wanted different things from life. Mother knows best, after all.

All relationships change. The only ones that remain strong are the ones where the partners pay attention to what’s important… no matter how trivial it seems.

Witch Doctor

This afternoon, just around noon, I sent an email to T.. I told her I was upset and angry and losing my temper for absolutely no reason. I told her it felt like someone had hexed me – like in the old cartoons with the red lightning bolts zinging at me, sound effects and all.

She replied shortly thereafter, and told me she’d felt it, too. In fact, she’d spoken to her mother about it already, but didn’t want to tell me anything because she didn’t want to worry me. She told me to get out my crystals.

And that’s when I realized I didn’t have them with me. I haven’t been carrying them for a few weeks now, which is just insane. I carry them everywhere with me. Do they work? I don’t honestly know. But I believe that we are of the earth, and I believe that the earth has properties that manifest in unique ways. And perhaps that includes qualities forged into crystals.

In any case, I have them around my neck, now. I’ve felt it off and on all day. It’s not like the depression, it’s like… it’s like walking down a deserted street in the middle of the night and hearing footsteps behind you. That’s what it’s like. And it sucks. But if T. knows about it, then she’s watching. And if T.’s mom knows, she is watching, too. And if I’ve noticed, that means I can be alert.

Believe in what you’d like, but something isn’t right.

Otherwise, I went to the doctor’s today, and he signed the required paperwork for my insurance company. Now hopefully they’ll accept it, because I’m getting tired of paying out of pocket for this medication if I don’t have to.

Not much else is new. Sis posted her photos from the safari online, and I’ve been perusing her albums. She got photos when I never even realized she had the camera on! In one photo, I’m standing at the top of the elephant ride, and waiting for the boys to go down the stairs. And day-um, I look hawt! There aren’t too many photos that I can actually say that about, but in this one, it shows the weight I’ve lost, and I’m very pleased. I don’t look like a hideous green blob!

So, there we go. That’s my positive note. I’m going to sprinkle some patchouli oil and maybe watch half an hour of TV. The landlord installed my a/c unit tonight, so I’m just waiting for the place to cool down. The bedroom is nice and I can feel the air coming out here into the suicide booth. It needs to reach the living room…

One Elephant Went Out To Play

Father's Day Elephant Ride

So today, Creep and the g/f were late. I’m not surprised, and I’m glad I left myself plenty of time to get from their place to the Safari this morning. We were supposed to be there at 10:30, and we were the only ones who arrived on time. Dad and Mom were supposed to show up around 11, and Grandma around then, too. Unfortunately, everyone else (except us) got stuck in traffic. And then there were ten lines of cars coming into the Safari. For two hours straight.

Anyway, when Mom and Dad finally arrived, I asked Mom if she’d explained why we were there, and she said no. So I asked Nephew2 if he could tell Grandpa why we were there, and he turned away, all shy. All right. Fine. It was my idea, I’ll tell him! When Dad found out he was there to ride an elephant, well. He was tickled pink!

We ate first. While we were finishing the picnic, the elephants came down to have their first afternoon swim. And they really do hold trunks! The rest of the party scrambled off to watch that while Mom and I cleaned up the table and packed the food away. It went back in the car, barely a dent made in what she’d prepared. (we had dinner, later. Still enough food to divvy it out!)

When Dad saw the people on the opposite shore watching the Elephant Swim, he got a bit concerned about his ride. He was very dearly afraid that there was going to be a big lineup and he wouldn’t get his shot on an elephant. So we hurried – and I mean hurried – across the entire park to get to the Elephant Ride area.

Not only was there no lineup, but Dad got to ride the elephant twice! Once with me and the nephews, and then he rode her again with Creep and the g/f. He was very pleased. Very pleased. And when he hugged me goodbye at the end of the day, he thanked me very kindly. I think he put two and two together and realized that I’d orchestrated the event for him. He’s even bragging on FB about the whole experience. I uploaded my photos right away so he could see them.

Just after we got off the Safari bus and before we all headed in different directions, I dug out my ‘berry and we called Grandpa, too. So he got to talk to Sis, the nephews, Creep, me, and Dad, all in one shot. I think he probably liked it. It was a short phone call, less than ten minutes, but I’m sure, given that he’s lonely these days, he appreciated it.

I also did laundry tonight, because hell, the day wasn’t long enough. And I exchanged a few minor texts with Mud. Nothing all that exciting. Now it’s ten, and I’m beat. This is going to be a long couple of weeks, with the concert up North next weekend and then my coworker on vacation…

Doctor appointment tomorrow afternoon, though, so I’m skipping out of work two hours early. That should help a bit.

The Longer The Waiting (The Sweeter the Kiss)

Oh, the longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss
It’s better my darling, I promise you this
The next time I hold you, I’m not letting go
Will you wait for me darling, I need to know

I don’t know how I knew, but I did… Mud called me tonight. I got out my nail polish, I started watching a movie but wasn’t really into it. Just anticipating. And sure enough, the phone rang just about when I expected it to (just when the movie was starting to get interesting). We talked for a couple of hours. This is the second conversation in a row that he’s warned me that we’re going to run out of things to talk about. Funny, he said that last time, but we seemed to have carried the conversation okay tonight. Granted, I did a bit of talking myself tonight, which is unusual, but it was nice to have him actually paying attention to what I was saying.

I put in my headphones because I was trying to paint my nails at the same time. So he threw me on speakerphone, which was fine with me. Easier for both of us.

Anyway. I worked today, a few hours. That’s a good thing, because I bought a ridiculously expensive pair of running shoes. I have over-pronation. That’s a fancy way of saying that when I walk and run, most of the weight ends up on the inside of my foot. I know this for a fact, because I tend to wear my shoes out on the insides, and I also end up with wear patterns on the sides of my shoes near my ankles, because of the way I walk. Anyway. I let a pretty little thing talk me into a pair of expensive shoes that are supposed to help with this problem.

And before anyone thinks I got “taken”, I will say this. She had me try on the shoes she was recommending. There was a ton of arch support. I have high arches, so that was a good thing. The heels are padded, also a good thing, because my feet are wide at the front and narrow at the back and I give myself blisters more often than not. There’s a special section of the shoe built for over-pronation. And they were gel soles, for extra cushioning.

I was trying to be a wise shopper, so I asked to try on one of the pairs that cost $40 less. So she brought out those, and a pair that cost only $20 less. The pair that cost $40 less I put on, and immediately took back off. There was a huge difference in the comfort level of the shoe. The slightly more expensive pair was better, but not great. There was something about them that didn’t fit quite right. Anyway, I ended up with the Asics GT 2140. I’m sure it’s far more shoe than I will ever need, since it’s not like I’m a marathon runner, but they are far more comfortable than my old ones. I know some people swear by old runners; I am not one of them.

I also went to the gym, and I did notice a difference. There’s more foot support. Then I grabbed a salad and headed home, where I took a nap. I was supposed to get together with Pretty tonight, but she had a pretty busy day, and the week has just done me in, in terms of work and everything.

Now, it’s a quarter after midnight, and I have to be up in about eight hours to pick up Creep and the g/f to take them to the African Lion Safari for Father’s Day. I’m looking forward to it, and I’m not, if that makes any sense. I want to have a fun day, but I know I’m going to wind up tired and next week is going to be a hell of a week, too. I’d love to take a day off, but now I’m desperate to hoard my vacation days. Who knows – maybe after August, I won’t want to. Hmm. Not that I think that’s likely.

Anyway, off to bed for me.