So tonight, I told him. CB told me that he never gets off orally, which explains why he’s not keen on it, I suppose. So after we yadda yadda’ed tonight, I said, “Can we have a discussion before you leave?” (he has to work Sunday.) “Sure,” he replied. Very straightforward. I like that. With TheEx, it was always… like he was afraid to hear what I was going to say. And I didn’t realize how much that bugged me until I found someone who didn’t do it. Anyway.

So I asked him what it would be like if every single time he had sex, it consisted of a bj and he never finished. … I said, “Do you see what I’m getting at?” And he said yes. Then, for the first time, he actually asked me what works for me. So I told him. He said it was odd. I said no, it’s not. It’s far more common for women not to get off during sex than it is for women to get off during sex. But anyway, I said to him, “I really, really like you a lot. But I need to get this to work.” He said, “I like you a lot, too.” EEEEEE!

He’s been so damned affectionate for the past week, so very comfortable with me, I think that having me meet his friends was a big deal, perhaps some sort of unconscious test. I guess I passed.

He came by tonight and was in jeans and his dress shoes. I’m sure the BMW was parked outside, but we never made it out there. He said he was in the mood for chicken and pasta. How convenient – I had two chicken breasts that I’d already cooked, and pasta, and a jar of alfredo sauce! Presto, dinner was done! I sauteed some onions and peppers and mushrooms and garlic and added it to the sauce. I added some Pillsbury rolls to the side (omg, he’d never had Pillsbury rolls. WTF?!) and that was dinner. Not enough veg, but I’m working on that.

I got my grocery shopping done today, too. I figured out that CB time is somewhat similar to Pretty time, and that meant I had time to get the groceries done before he showed up tonight. If Mud taught me anything, it’s that I can’t always get people to work to my schedule. And that’s okay, I’m trying to learn to work within other peoples’ worlds. Within reason, of course.

CB told me tonight he has three paycheques in his car that he hasn’t cashed. He said that about an hour and a half ago, and it’s really bugging me. I have no money. I have a budget, yes, and I’m paying down my bills, yes, and I’m far better off than I was with TheEx, yes, but … I can’t not have a paycheque. And I guess it makes me ashamed when I hear of people who can get by without one. … like I’m failing at something or I’m not good at something. And I know that’s not the case, and that for the most part, I’m doing pretty well, but I still feel kinda bad. It makes me angry at that person, when I know for a fact that I’m really angry with myself, even though I manage my money pretty well.

I’m too hard on myself. T.’s said that, off and on for years. Chicago tells me every now and then. Pretty is constantly trying to bolster my self-esteem when it comes to CB (“No, he is NOT going to leave you. He thinks you’re amazing. You are amazing!”). But AM2 really slams it home sometimes, and makes me stop and think. When she says, “You work too much. You should have a coffee sometimes and do nothing” or “Right, because you’re just such a slacker”. And I realize that she’s proud of me and what I’ve accomplished, but she’s also pointing out that I work too hard, I drive myself. I wonder why. I guess that’s just part of who I am.

I asked CB if he’d take me to see Paranormal Activity, and he said yes, he wants to see it, too. But for the sake of him not thinking I’m completely insane, I haven’t told him about the whole “I’ve been haunted” thing. I still have a hard time remembering, or trying to write about what happened in the apartment, all the weird coincidences. Some things, I guess, are better left alone.

Anyway, it’s technically November 1, so a shout out to Woodstock for a Happy Birthday! As she points out, she’s only four months older than me. As I point out, that’s technically a year… ;-)